Sugar, Spice, & Everything Nice

I’ve always been a believer in the wise words of one Brenda Dickson, “I’ll try anything once as long as I don’t bleed or cry.” I have taken this mantra and added to it, “I’ll try anything once as long as I don’t bleed, cry, or get dysentery.” This is a reoccurring theme in my life on a daily basis here in Thailand.

Each day, I go out to the front of our school and purchase fruit from the lady at the “fruit stand.” I use the term fruit stand loosely as it is a motorbike with an attached side car that has been made into a “fruit stand.” Have fruit will travel. Whateves, she always has the best fruit, and my favorite guy mui gone. She cuts the fruit right there for you, bags it, shoves a stick in and offers some sort of sugary topping. Two things you should know about Thai culture. One, they love anything you can eat on a stick. If you can make it meat on a stick, they will surely eat it up – no questions asked! Two, they love to garnish anything with sugar. Things you wouldn’t imagine – sugar topped on it. It’s a bit odd, but definitely not the strangest thing I’ve seen since being here.

Today I visited my fruit lady as usual, but she was out of my staples; no guy mui gone and no pineapple. That’s fine, I can venture away from the staples and order something different. I visually peruse her glass case with ease and see a fruit that seems interesting. The fruit lady quickly tells me that it’s champ-poo (like shampoo) and good. Like a middle-aged woman fresh off her diet at the bakery, I point, nod, and smile; indicating that she can start cutting. The champ-poo is about the size and shape of a strawberry. It is similar in color to that of a pomegranate shell. The inside looks like a tiny apple, complete with seeds that she cuts out with the same expertise and precision a heart surgeon uses when cutting steak. Freshly cut, she offers to throw some sugar on the top. I’ve learned that the best way to handle this is by simply looking confused, and then she’ll add it on the side. Which is much better than the alternative of smiling and having her dumb it all over your fresh fruit. Sugar on the side, stick pointing out the top, I am set with my “take away” champ-poo. I take my first bite and I am pleasantly surprised by the texture. The texture is what I would imagine it is like trying to eat the insides of a pomegranate, but very watery. Interesting. I continue to eat, figuring that even if it’s not the most pleasant, it’s still fruit and has to be good for you. Half-way through the bag, I decide that maybe the sugar will help with the taste. Instead of dumping all of the sugar on the fruit, I decide to test the waters by dipping the fruit into the sugar. I take a bite – very interesting. The interesting part is that there is chili-spices in the sugar. It’s the equivalent of eating chocolate covered pretzels or adding plain M&M’s to your movie theatre popcorn. Strangely addicting and I am having difficulties stopping. My mouth is sweetly on fire with each bite of the fruit. I can’t get enough! I’m not sure if it’s the fruit, or the sugars and spice concoction, but I am hooked! Who knew sugar mixed with red pepper flakes could be so distinguished?!

Sticking with my mantra, I have also ventured out of my comfort zone when it comes to eating alone at my favorite internet café. The café serves coffee, tea, milkshakes, as well as food items. The beverage portion of the menu is in English and Thai, but the remainder of the food menu is in Thai. Feeling hungry, and not wanting to leave the free air-con on a hot day, I’ve learned to order by pointing. That is, I randomly find something that is within my price range, point, nod and smile. They repeat my choice back to me in Thai, and I say, “Sure!” Smiling, they turn and leave the café. That’s the other part about the food menu. They don’t prepare the food there, but instead go to a local street vendor to have the food made. It’s like playing Russian Roulette with your intestinal track. For one, you don’t know exactly what you’ve ordered, nor do you know who is preparing the food. I’ve done this on several occasions, and each time I have been pleasantly surprised with my choice. Not to mention that I am so God-blessed hungry ALL THE TIME, that you could feed me fried malang-sab (cock roach) and I’d be fine. I’ve learned that the trick with eating strange things – don’t ask what you’ve eaten until you have finished eaten. I don’t need to relive my own personal version of the scene from Funny Farm when Chevy Chase is going for a world record eating the Lamb testicles. Only here, I have a feeling it would be dog testicles. I hope I’m never that hungry!