I Wanna Puppy!

Over the past couple of days, a few new vendors have popped up around the Asawin Market. For clarification, the Asawin Market is the market that is closest to my apartment (Vegan & Vegetarian Nightmare). Anyway, while I was out in the market last week, I noticed a little stand selling puppies. A small little cage with four puppies laying on top. The cutest things you have ever seen. I have noticed this same stand since then – each day dwindling in existence as the puppies find a new owner. Today, I continued walking through the market and stumbled across a booth with cages of puppies. I’m not sure if all the bitches are in heat during the rainy season, or if this is birthing season here on the other side of the world, but either way, there are more puppy stands. Five cages to be exact. Each cage with a different grouping of dogs. None of them barking, which I found very strange. Only jumping toward the top of the cage and begging for attention. My curiosity got the best of me – I had to go over and at least pet one. There was a cage of what can best be described as golden retrievers, though I’m sure they are not certified by the AKA, or even TKA certified – if there is such a thing. I was quickly greeted by a Thai gentleman, who eagerly opened the cage and pulled one out for me. I set my items on the ground and held this little ball of golden fuzz. He just sat there and let me pet him. No barking or licking or any of the annoying things puppies usually do. He was simply content with being held. The Thai vendor informed me that I could have him for 1000 Baht ($30). Let me tell you, the last thing you want to do when you are listening to your “inner-child” is go shopping for puppies. It took every ounce of logic, self-control, and adult rationale, in order to not be overcome with complete emotion and indulge in the one thing I’ve always wanted as a child. My inner child was screaming; throwing a temper-tantrum on the floor of this market – refusing to leave unless I bought this for him. I had to kindly thank the vendor and hand the puppy back, at which point he started shouting out lower prices in Thai. I smiled politely, picked up my things from the floor, as well as my screaming child, and walked away – child still kicking and screaming with every step. I let logic rule, and continued on with what I initially set out to do – find dinner. I am not ruling out the idea of getting a puppy, I would just want to make sure that I am able to bring it with me once I am done with this experience in Thailand. That, along with a whole host of other questions I would need to answer prior to purchasing. Right now, I need to focus on more pressing issues – like finding a new place to live, and how to speak Thai. My inner-child will have to wait, but in the meantime, I bought him dessert.

You Can Go Your Own Way

Before I embarked on this journey to the Far East, I had the opportunity to work closely with two very gifted, and genuine people. One was a transplant from the United Kingdom, boasting an interesting hybrid of British and US dialect; who helped to “break” me and start my path in this world. The other, a Columbian with an amazing sense of humor and a profound life story, full of courage, compassion, redemption and sacrifice. Both of these individuals sent me on my way into this new experience with this reminder – remember where you came from and be true to yourself, the rest will be in God's hands.

Growing up, I was the youngest of 3, and I often found myself getting into my own version of trouble. Let’s be honest, by the time the 3rd child comes along – we’re allowed to juggle knives and play with household cleaners, while running around in nothing but out diaper. Doing just that, I often found myself knocking into things, falling down, or simply being a bit of a klutz (it runs in the family). For this reason, I was affectionately referred to as “Lumpy” by my family.

As I continue on in this experience, I remind myself that this is a time for me. A time for me to re-connect with myself and Lumpy. During this past week, I have forgotten all about him. Before I left, I promised Lumpy that I was going to take him on a fun adventure – just me and him. Well, up until now – he hasn’t been having very much fun. So, this evening I decided I would let Lumpy put together a list of fun activities he would like to do while we are on our adventure. We have an understanding that I have to be an “adult” during school hours, but otherwise … it’s all about him!

Here’s a list of things Lumpy would like to do while he is on his adventure here in the Far East:

1 – Visit the world-renowned elephant farm in Lampang, and ride the elephants
2 – Take a ride on the Eastern & Oriental Express
3 – Visit the beaches of southern Thailand – white sandy beaches, crystal clear water.
4 – SCUBA dive
5 – Spend the night in a grass hut on the beach
6 – Cliff Dive
7 – River Rafting Ride
8 – Take in a sunrise at Pha Nok An in Phu Kradung National Park


I promised Lumpy he could update the list as often as he likes. Stay tuned – I’m sure there will be more to come.

A Week In Translation

It has been one week since I first arrived in Lampang. It seems like an eternity ago that I was still living in Chicago, packing my things up and preparing myself for this experience. Seven days, and I have managed to experience such an arrange of emotions, but realize that is only the tip of the rice patty. Seven days, and I have already learned so much, but realize there is so much more to learn. Seven days, and I have had my world turned up-side-down, but I realize that shaking things up a bit is what makes me feel alive.

During the past week, I have a learned a few things. For instance, I have learned that kids, regardless of age or culture, have no filter when it comes to speaking what is on their mind. Over the course of the past week, I have been told that I have “thick eyebrows,” as well as “very hairy arms.” A student has also pointed out that I am “wet” – she was referring to the perspiration on my brow. I can only hope that when I begin to get fat and start balding, the students will have the same lack of filter and bring these to my attention as well.

I have also learned that “checking someone out,” “eyeing someone up,” “scoping someone out,” or whatever the lingo in your culture – it is all the same. It does not matter if you are at a gay bar in the states, at an airport in Korea, or walking down the street in a small Thailand town – someone checking you out is all the same. In fact, I would argue that it is more blatant here in Thailand. I also understand that some United States cultures would consider it rude to stare or shamelessly flirt with a stranger on the street – it’s the type of behavior some associate with that of street walkers, call-girls, prostitutes, whores, sluts, tricks, houseboys, and a host of other colorful descriptions for individuals who engage in such behavior. You want your confidence level boosted? Come to Thailand, where it seems most women are searching for a Ferang and will do anything to score one. This adds to a host of other dirty looks you will receive from the Thai males, who believe you are there simply to steal the Thai women from them.

With that, I have also learned that “homo” does not translate in the Thai culture. While I’m not a screaming queen in the United States, I am hardly what you would identify as butch (my friends will concur). Also, I tend to have difficulties spotting another “mo” when I’m abroad. But here, unless you are a man wearing make-up, they assume you are interested in females. Talk about feeling like the only living gay boy in Lampang – yikes!

I have learned that Thai is a sing-song language, and if you are off-key by only one note – the natives have no idea what you are talking about.

I have learned that I am tone deaf, and therefore have a difficult time with the Thai language.

I have learned that calling someone a buffalo is the worst insult you can make about an individual. It is considered the slowest, dumbest animal in all of the animal kingdom, and a great offense if you call someone this.

But most importantly, I have learned that however foreign all of it feels to me – it is going to translates into an amazing experience.

Chicken Pad-Thai My Eye

After my first full week of work, I decided I would treat myself to dinner this evening. I remembered passing by this quant little restaurant on one of my runs the other morning, called Grandma’s Café. I believe this locale is a popular one with the Ferang (that’s what the Thai’s call us Westerners). I arrive and sure enough, I’m the only one in the whole establishment – just me hanging out with the owner and his family. I grab a table for one, and the little Thai boy quickly brings me a menu. I give it a once over and realize that this place must be popular for the Ferang because the menu is in Thai with English subtext. I also notice, for the first time since I’ve been here, Pad-Thai on the menu. Or, at least the first time I’ve been able to read it for myself. Score! I order the pad-thai, but per my usual stateside habits, I ask for mine with chicken, not prawns. I haven’t ventured over to the seafood side of Thailand life – I mean I’ve barely introduced fresh fruit into my diet. Give a Ferang and his digestive track a minute to get accustomed to the new culture & bacteria.

Shortly thereafter, while still engrossed in my novel, my food arrives. Let me tell you – this was no pad-thai I’ve ever ordered in the states. For starters, the meal comes with egg. I’m not talking scrambled and littered in throughout the noodles. No, no – this meal had an entire omelet right on top of all the noodles. Under this bed of poultry producing paradise, lays chicken pad-thai I’ve been waiting for my whole life! I had finally made it back to the mother ship. I was determined to find out if it was as good as the delicious-ness at Duck Walk, or … dare I say, better? The anticipation was killing me. I began cutting up the omelet, but not too quickly, as I am still the only customer in the restaurant and all eyes were on me. As I began to cut up the omelet, I notice the pad-thai noodles underneath. In all my pad-thai ordering days, I had never seen noodles like this before. The best way to describe the appearance of these noodles was rectangular with rounded edges, with the same appearance as raw chicken flesh. For a brief moment, I was sure my order had been screwed up. Had I received someone else’s dish? Nope, couldn’t be – I’m still the only customer in the joint. Then I thought, maybe my chicken wasn’t cooked all the way. Only to discover, there intertwined with my noodles and omelet, hearty pieces of chicken; fully cooked and ready to eat. Turns out these rectangular looking pieces of poultry flesh are the authentic pad-thai noodle. Not being one to judge on appearance alone, I decide to continue cutting and mixing up my dish of authenticity. After all, maybe it tastes better than it looks. I add some spices, some egg sauce, but to my dismay, there is no peanut sauce. That’s alright; I’ll manage without this time. I finish preparing my meal, and I’m getting ready for my first bite of authentic pad-thai with chicken. My tastes buds were watering, but I was apprehensive at the same time. My twenty-six years of pad-thai eating experience were culminating in this one meal.

I TAKE MY FIRST BITE!

I felt the texture of the noodles and instantly wanted to vomit. The noodles felt and tasted exactly as they look – like raw chicken flesh warmed up. The texture was enough to make me want to stop eating and vomit in my lap. Instead, I took a sip of my water and quickly motioned for the waiter to re-fill my glass. I paused for a moment and contemplated how I was going to make it through the rest of this meal. Water would help, but I needed a back-up plan. I quickly decided that my best bet was pulling the noodles apart as much as possible and interlacing them throughout the omelet portion of the meal. More egg and fewer noodles with each bite. I continued my own personal battle with this let down of a meal; convincing myself the whole time that it isn’t as bad as it seems. No, it was worse! Thanks to years of sitting at the dinner table with my father and his bad bachelor days of cooking, I choked down this meal no problem. Finally, it was over. This was definitely a case where the re-make is better than the original.

1 point for Duck Walk

Lessons Learned

I was working with my students in the level 2 English course today. These students are majoring in English, and to be quite honest, I’m not sure why. Some of them are excellent students; they always know the answer, are willing to speak-up in class, they participate. The other ones – well, they couldn’t be less thrilled about the subject matter. While I understand that part of the problem could be my teaching style and techniques, I also see a lack of effort on their part.

The other day we did an introduction activity with partners. The students were paired up and had to introduce each other to the class. I required basic information like name, age, major, favorite color, and my personal favorite, “when I grow up.” I learned two very shocking things about my class. The first thing that I had an immediate facial expression for was their age. The entire class is aged 17-18 years old. For starters, if you looked at them you would not think they were a day over 13. Good genetics and proper skin-care aside, the maturity level of these students is what I would equate with early high school aged students in the US. I, despite some of my comments, am very culturally sensitive, and realize that I need to stop comparing white rice with sticky rice. I was surprised to say the least, and the next question I wanted to ask was, “What skin care line are you using, and can I get that at the local market?”

The other thing that I quickly learned that surprised me was that nearly all of the class – mostly female students, all wanted to be flight attendants. I mean, it makes logical sense that you would want to be multi-lingual as a flight attendant. But it made me wonder what exposure they’ve had to different career choices up to this point. I find it hard to believe that I’ve somehow struck the landmine for the entire Thailand airline industry. Or, if secretly Thai Airways was funding the LCCT and they do an annual in-depth seminar on the travel industry and perks of being a flight attendant. Whatever the case, I don’t think Thai Airways has anything to worry about with their future staffing patterns. Their English ability? Now that’s a different story. But next week we’re watching A View from the Top.

Another one of our activities today was learning about the differences between used to and use to. Quick run down on the differences – I used to live in the United States. I did not use to live in Thailand. Anyway, the students had to complete sentences, write them on the board, and read them aloud to the class. I had two sentences that caused me a bit of a culture shock. The first one – In elementary school, I used to smoke. Again, I have recently learned that these students are older than I initially thought, but smoking in elementary school was something I was not prepared for. Maybe it is the anti-smoking campaign that has littered the United States, or the taboo that has recently been associated with cigarettes and nicotine, but either way, I was definitely caught off-guard with this student’s sentence. In order to make sure I was not getting lost in translation, I asked the student to clarify. She told me, to-ba-o.

The other sentence of the day that really struck a chord for me was the one that said, My parents didn’t use to beat me. I was sitting toward the side of the classroom and had to readjust my position to make sure I wasn’t catching a glare on the whiteboard. Sure enough, it said beat me. The fact that a student would share this with her peers, but also in a classroom setting, I was completely taken aback. As we read these sentences aloud, there did not seem to be a second glance toward the student who shared such personal information. I could not believe it – had I entered a culture where it is a social norm to beat your 17 year old daughter? And, what’s even more sad than that is the fact that the student who shared such information didn’t think there was anything wrong with disclosing this information to a classroom full of her peers and teacher. The heart breaking part for me is that she has accepted it as a part of her life; something she can’t change like her date of birth, gender or skin color. That is the part that really made me empathize with her and others in her situation. The complete acceptance that life is what it is, and there is no changing it – for better or for worse. I realize that my job as their teacher is not only to help them with their English skills, but also impart some multi-cultural components into their lives. This experience today made me realize that I need to help them understand that there is a life outside of Thailand. A place away from Lampang, and away from a culture that believes it is acceptable to beat their children – or any human being for that matter. A place where any individual can be a flight attendant, nurse, or teacher, and also have the option of being a pilot, doctor, lawyer, or even the President of the United States. I realized the broader scope of my job today, and that gave me hope. I pray there is salvation – for her, for me, and for everyone in a similar situation.

Top 10 List

Top 10 things I wish I had done prior to my departure for The Kingdom of Thailand.

10) Learn the basics of the language – you will inevitably need them at some point during your trip, even if you are there to teach your native language.

9) Buy a dictionary for translation – the simplest words are often the hardest ones to explain.

8) Diversify your packing wardrobe – there’s a reason life in US prisons are dull – it’s the same wardrobe every day.

7) Contact someone about the program you are about to embark upon – unless of course, you like unpleasant surprises.

6) Talk to a native from the country you are about to visit – most often they’ll help you not make an ass out of yourself.

5) Talk to a US native who is familiar with the Southeast Asian culture – most likely they’ll tell you how they made an ass out of themselves.

4) Map Quest & Google Maps the hell out of your future destination – print it, know it, laminate it, and keep it with you at all times. Nothing worse than being lost in a city where no one speaks your language and you have no idea how to get back to where you need to be.

3) Know the difference between need and want, and only pack what you need.

2) If you insist on buying new shoes for the adventure – take some time to break them in prior to arriving at your destination. Nothing screams “Quarantined at US Customs” quite like feet infected from open wounds.

1) Gain at least 50lbs prior to your departure; because once that dysentery sets in, your body will need to feast on something.

Vegan & Vegetarian Nightmare

There is a local market near my apartment. The market, unlike anything you’ve seen in the United States, consists of thousands of vendors selling their wares. Everything from t-shirts & flip-flops, to stickers and mobile phones, as well as every kind of northern Thai dish is available at this market. Basically, if there were a market that should be in the brochure of places to avoid eating from when traveling abroad, this one would definitely be in the top 10 for Northwestern Hospital’s Travel & Immunization Center. But you know me … when in Rome.
I venture through the market each night in search of a viable option for dinner and it also provides a social outlet for those evenings when I’m not in the mood to stay home. Up to this point, my exploration of the market has been rather limited. I visit the same few vendors for dinner each night and peruse the shops for the latest in Thai fashions and mobile phone accessories. Today I decided to venture further into the market. I was feeling rather restless, and expanded my horizons past my normal safety zone. To my surprise, I found the area where vendors sell items in bulk. First I saunter by the rice stand – baskets filled with every kind of rice imaginable. White rice, brown rice, Jerry Rice, you name the rice, this lady had it – and cheap! She was a force to be reckoned with when it came to buying rice in bulk. Costco – eat your heart out! Next, I stumble across the vegetable stand, and then fruit, and then more fruit. Comparable to Stanley’s in Chicago, but more exotic and true to the ethnic roots of Thailand. I decide to keep exploring and round the corner – only to find the land of barely dead food. Here I find row after row of various booths, all featuring barely dead animals for sale in bulk. One booth has the pig’s head and all the pork you can imagine. Though Charlotte’s Web is one of my all-time favorite books, I understand that eating pork is a natural part of life. What I was not prepared for, were the pig fetuses that had been deep-fried, basted, or simply left out in the sun too long. I had enough trouble dissecting pig fetuses in middle-school, let alone looking at a platter of them piled up next to the pig hoof, snout, and tail. I continue walking, and purposefully increase my stride. The next area I stumble across is the land of seafood and fish in bulk. Fine – I eat sushi; I’m definitely in favor of raw fish. That’s the thing – these fish were not dead yet. I walk by a vat of fish on ice, only to notice that a few of them are still squirming about in their ice-filled coffin. At one stand, I swear I thought one of them was trying to jump out of the bin and into my arms for rescue. Apparently the action of this little Nemo caught the eye of the vendor, because he became the next victim for beheading and gutting. I continued on through areas of poultry, and discovered that Chicken Little was right – the sky is falling! At 188 centimeters tall (6 feet, 2 inches), I barely cleared the hanging chickens and I was at eye-level with most of their gizzards. At this point, my stride is just shy of a jog, and I frantically try to find my way back to the other “safe” side of the market. Additionally, the smell of raw animal flesh basking in the Thai sun was enough to make me wish smell was not one of my five senses. I find my way back, and am relieved to find my regular vendors with their ramen noodles and Singapore street noodle and sticky white rice. However, I quickly discovered that nothing would put you off your appetite like barely dead animals starring at you. It’s great to gain a full understanding of the economic supply chain, but not when you’re trying to enjoy it as part of your meal.

Learn I Good & Teach Me Well

Today was my first day at school, and what a day it was! I arrived to school at 09:00AM, after being picked up by a school colleague. I quickly learned that walking to school would not be an option, as the distance is well over 4km (2.5miles for my Western counterparts). Normally I’d scoff at walking 2.5 miles, but when I am drenched head to toe in sweat from simply walking down 3 flights of stairs – I know 2.5 miles will be a hot mess. A good friend once embodied these words of wisdom on me.
When you are in a foreign place, you should ask two questions when asking someone for directions.

1. Can I walk there?
2. Have YOU ever walked there from here?

If they respond “no” to the second question – immediately find another mode of transportation.
I utilized these words of wisdom by asking my colleague those very same questions. Guess what? – I’m not walking to school anytime soon. It’s all the more reason to get myself a scooter.
I arrive at the Lampang College of Commerce & Technology (LCCT), and the campus immediately impresses me. Based on my experiences at the Bangkok school, I was pleasantly surprised to find such a picturesque campus at LCCT. Now mind you, it’s no UC Berkeley, but it is a large campus with at least 4 separate buildings for classrooms, a quadrangle equipped with a fountain and benches, as well as outdoor spaces for lunch and activities. For all intensive purposes, it could be the backdrop for the new Beverly Hills 90210, and most people would be none the wiser (residents of Beverly Hills or greater LA-region excluded). The majority of the student population appears to be females between the ages of fifteen and eighteen. I am given a quick tour of the campus, classrooms, offices, and introduced to several individuals whose names I was unable to pronounce.
The next order of business – my class schedule, roster, and curriculum goals. I am unsure of how I feel about my course schedule, but I suppose that’s the luck of coming in mid-term – last pick for classes. And then … I am quickly ushered to my first scheduled class for the day. That’s right, first day as an ELL teacher, and I am in the classroom teaching English to non-native speakers. No textbook, no curriculum, no time for curriculum preparation – just thrown into the Thai snake pit, and you know the country is known for the King Cobra. I have never felt so exposed in my life – standing in front of a group of students, ill prepared and completely unsure of what to do. Well, I taught about a subject I am very well versed in – ME! That’s right – an hour of learning about my background, education, my prior life in Chicago, family, friends – you name it. I had two classes today and this was my curriculum for both. By the time 14:00PM came around, I was exhausted! However exhausted, I did manage to get myself some textbooks and throw together a quick lesson plan for my courses tomorrow. I will not be caught unprepared again.
During my classes today, I discovered a few different things about teaching ELL (English language learners) students. I discovered how quickly I speak in English. I began speaking with these students the same way I would have spoken with my student-staff employees at DePaul, or the same way I speak with my friends & family. It was not until I began to receive blank stares from my students in English level 3 that I finally had a student request that I slow down. Additionally, I found myself being very cognizant of my word choices, and grammar usage. I was amazed at my vernacular, especially when I am unconscious of my audience. I am finding myself only speaking when necessary, and with proper English. And let me tell you – proper English does not include words like, yeah, gotcha, or uh-huh. These might be useful terms when speaking with individuals who are native to the language, but it only confuses ELL students. I also discovered myself thinking more intentionally of how to appropriately communicate thoughts and ideas, while using the least amount of words. I have a feeling this will be only the beginning of some very valuable lessons – both in and outside the classroom.
I had a few assumptions as I began this experience. One such assumption was that the Thai students would be further along with their English Language skills. At this point, I am finding that assumption to be incorrect. I also assumed that I would not need to know Thai, at least not to the caliber in which I find myself needing it on a daily basis. My goal is that by the end of the term, I will have increased my Thai language skills, same as my students will have increased their English language skills.

Motorcycle Drive By

Alone. It’s a scary thing to be alone, and something most of us aren’t faced with too often. In my US culture, I was in a perpetual state of motion – doing and going – but never being. Part of the reason I decided to come to Thailand as an instructor for ELL students is because it would give me the chance to be alone. Some people might find it weird that I, or anyone for that matter, would purposefully seek out opportunities to be alone. Especially when the opportunity requires you to be in a foreign land, with an unfamiliar culture and language. Miles away from the familiar, my tried and true safety net, I find myself in just such a place. For the first time in my life, I am truly alone. No one truly knows me, and what’s worse – I wonder if I truly know myself.
I am the tallest man for miles. Walking through the streets, and shopping at the markets, I feel people staring. The stares are mixed with emotions; sometimes the stare is from a local “lady boy” who looks on lustfully; sometimes the stare is from a local merchant who realizes I have no idea how to haggle with prices; other times the stares are from a food vendor who slowly explains the dishes they’ve prepared for selling. The worst part about it all though, knowing that I am of the minority. I don’t look like any of the people in the crowd, and what’s worse – I stick out sorely in every crowd. For the first time in my life, being white and male does not carry the same advantages it once did. Blending in is not an option based on my physical appearance. I am living in a culture where I do not know the language, and for the most part, the natives do not know my language either. Those that do know my language do not understand my culture, my humor, my past, or even how to pronounce my name. And though I try to explain this to you, it’s not a feeling you’ll understand until you’ve been in the same situation to experience it for yourself. If I weren’t experiencing it for myself, I would not know how to empathize with someone in my situation.
Over the course of the month leading up to my departure, I have cried more than I have cumulatively over the course of my life. I’m thankful for these tears that have come. Some were tears of pain, sorrow, and heartache; but some were tears of joy, laughter, of peace with the past, and hope for the future. These tears are my time alone, my time to connect with myself, and my time to become the best person possible. I sit alone with my tears because it is now that I feel most alive. It’s time for me and the time is now.

Motorcycle Drive By – Third Eye Blind
Wake Up Alone – Amy Winehouse
Walk This Earth Alone – Lauren Christy
Alone – Mary J. Blige ft. Dave Young
The District Sleeps Alone Tonight – The Postal Service
Never Leave Your Heart Alone – Butterfly Boucher
I Get Lonely – Janet Jackson
What’s Up Lonely – Kelly Clarkson
I’m Scared – Duffy
If You’re Not Scared – K’s Choice
Will I – Rent
Tomorrow – Avril Lavigne
Say (All I Need) – OneRepublic

Midwest Meet Far East

Midwest Meets Far East

Today has been quite an experience of traveling. It is the end of theday, and I find myself safely in Lampang, Thailand. One would think my adventures would have been from the dayprior, with nearly 21 hours of traveling, but today proved to be mostinteresting. A good friend of mine requested that I document the first 48 hours of my experience -- apparentlythese are the most formative. She couldn’t have been more accurate.
The first twenty-four hours went something like this. I arrived in Bangkok shortly after 12:30AM. The room I was shored up at in Bangkok was with the Chinese teacher from the Bangkok school. I had my own room with a king-sized bed. The linens, one standard pillow, a body pillow, and a fitted sheet, all composed of the most hideous pattern. Think SalvationArmy clearance rack. I am left to my own devices, as the other teachers had to be up for class the following morning. My room is illuminated by one florescent bulb in the center of the room. The air conditioning is on, and the room is a chilly 60 degrees, which compared to the outside humidity and heat, felt like heaven. I plop my bags down and immediately decide I should use the bathroom. Upon entering the bathroom, I quickly discover that this is not like any bathroom I have ever seen. Instead of trying to figure out the bathroom at that point, I decide instead to go to sleep. It’s nearly 01:00AM at this point (01:00PM the day prior in Chicago – Ithink), and I am not very sleepy. I force myself to fall asleep, only to find myself waking up randomly throughout the night because I am freezing. The AC unit has only one temperature -- cold! I am without a blanket, so instead, I remain fully clothed and unpack my towel to use as a blanket. Me, my lulu lemon half-zip pullover, jeans, and a beach towel embroidered with the DePaul University logo and my name. I swear, I think I saw mybreath at one point. After a fitful night of trying to sleep in what most people Stateside would consider a meat locker, I decide to pull myself out of bed around 09:00AM. Mind you, I’d been lying wide-awake in bed since around 06:00AM. I wastold by the teacher who picked me up the night prior that I should meet him at the school around 10:00AM to go for brunch. I start the day by brining my things to the bathroom. Mind you, once I step into the hallway,there is an immediate temperature influx of about 50 degrees Fahrenheit. Upon entering the bathroom, I am once again greeted by a same unfamiliar site as the night prior. Please imagine a room, with a toilet, a sink, and a hose coming out of the wall. This, my friends -- is the bathroom, shower included. A light switch on the outside of thebathroom controls the water for the entire bathroom. You forget to flip the switch -- no water for you! I quickly flip the switch, and begin to disrobe for my first shower -- Thailand style! The shower is very reminiscent of the infamous summer in Palatine when the bathroom was being renovated – those of you know what I’m taking about. No problems -- I successfully complete my first shower.
I grab my belongings and begin to head for the door, only to discover that I have no keys for the apartment. I am standing in front of this two-story house, contemplating how I am supposed to leave. All of my belongings left inside, the other teacher has his belongings inside -- quite the quandary. Fear not -- the Thai neighbor saunters over, and proceeds to tell me, in Thai, that he will lock the apartment for me,and the key can be picked up later. You can imagine the humor of this conversation, as I speak no Thai, and he does not speak a lick of English. Welcome to Bangkok! I walk a few blocks through the neighborhood and arrive at the school where I meet the ESL teacher from the night prior. He and I go out to brunch at a local Thai eatery. This Thai eatery can best be describedas a roadside market, with tables, a propane tank, and a woman with a knack for cooking. I allow my new found friend to order for both of us, at which point, we proceed to a table behind the Thai woman. The food is served on Tupperware circa 1960, along with a pitcher of drinking water. No utensils, no napkins -- simply food, forks, and drinking glasses. The whole meal is eaten with your hands, including the rice. The entire time I’m thinking I’ll get yellow fever, typhoid, or another digestive track disease. But, I eat it up -- I’m starving, and rice never looked so good! The meal was superb -- beat out Duck Walk and Ping Pong, no contest! My mouth was on fire and I knew I’d be shitting charcoal later, but at the time these were of no concern. After lunch, we proceed through parts of town, where I was escorted to a currency exchange. I quickly discovered I was a Thai millionaire -- who knew?
We return back to the school, at which point, I discover that maybe lunch and the prior days traveling has finally caught up to my digestive system. I decide to go back to the apartment under the false pretense that I was jet-lagged from the previous days travels, and I wanted to take a nap. I am escorted back to the apartment with a much-appreciated ride from the driver at the school. On my way to the bathroom, turtle head in toe, I encounter my first cockroach at the foot of the stairs. Normally, I’d be freaked out, but time was of the essence. I shimmy past the unwanted guest and take the stairs double-time! I remembered what the bathroom looked like from the night prior. I also remembered that there was no toilet paper in the bathroom, only a hose next to the toilet. I remembered that my mother had given me a travel pack of Kleenex face tissues, just in case. Well, I believe this was the “just incase” she was referring to. I grab them, and head to the bathroom, where I proceed to take care of the necessaries. While sitting there, I couldn’t help but think about the children’s book, “Everyone Poops!” I was left pondering how the book only walked children through the first part of the process. The author completely disregards the“clean-up” aspect. I decided at that point that this aspect changes for everyone who poops, all depending on their geographic location, culture, and other factors – like supplies. Apparently in Thailand, each toilet is equipped with a hose alongside the toilet. The hose is comparable to the hose attached to most kitchen sinks in the United States. I deduced that this hose was the bidet's redneck cousin. Going into this experience, I knew I would need to be open to new cultural experiences and so I decided to give this new version a try. I am leaving the experience at -- I’m going to try to put my digestive system on a “before showering” type of cycle. And, I plan to make a trip to the store for some toiletpaper.
I know that seems like too much excitement for one day, but the day is only halfway done at this point. At 14:00PM, I am picked up by the driver from the school and taken to the airport for my flight to Lampang. The only way to really describe traffic in Bangkok is to start with imagining the 405 Freeway in LosAngeles, California. Then add the taxicabs of New York City, only instead of yellow; the taxicabs are primarily pink or green. After that, add CTA buses and drivers of Chicago. Now,imagine that for every SUV on the road, there are also about 10 scooters. The scooters are darting between cars, riding up to the front of stop lights, and buzz any which direction, regardlessof the flow of traffic. Additionally, there are street vendors who walk the middle of the road selling their wares. Apparently,rule of the road is, there are no rules. There are very few road signs, and police presence is nonexistent. Compile that with a driver who does not speak a word of English, and me, who does not speak a word of Thai. I also need you to imagine that all of this is being conducted at very high speeds. For those of you that have driven with me, I have never claimed to be the best driver. Additionally, I have never driven stick-shift, nor have I driven on the left-side of the road -- a la Britain. However, I would argue that I would have performed better than my native driver. At one point the driver decides he needs to exit, and quickly pulls left -- CameronDiaz-style circa My Best Friend’s Wedding. From what I could gather, he needed to use the bathroom and was unable to hold it any longer. Either that, or he was really itching for some food from the “AmazonCafe” at the rest stop. I arrive white-knuckled and sufficiently freaked-out at the Bangkok International Airport approximately 40 minutes before my flight is scheduled to depart. Mind you, I still need to find my airline, check-in, and check my bags -- and for those of you who saw me packed, I don’t move quickly when I have all my bags with me. I manage to accomplish all of the above tasks, and beginrunning to the gate. If you havebeen through the Bangkok International Airport, you would know that they have gates labeled B2, B1, B2A, and B2B, all of which are in the general vicinity of each other, but not easily labeled. I mistakenly get in line at gate B2. Around 16:15PM (flight departs at 16:20PM), I am stillwaiting to board at the gate. I didn’t think anything of it – I just figured the flight was running behind schedule. Suddenly, I have a little Thai woman tapping me on the shoulder, informing me that I am at the wrong gate. We both quickly run to thecorrect gate B2B, completely by-passing security check-point and x-rays and hop a bus to be taken out to the plane on the tarmac. I am the last individual to board the plane, and what’s worse -- I’m the only tall, white foreigner on the flight. I really know how to make a name for myself. I quickly board and situate myself for my flight to Lampang. The flight is slightly turbulent, but a breeze compared to the van ride that nearly killed me on the way to the airport. As we begin our descent into Lampang Airport, I discover the truth of what will be my reality for the next 9 months. The Lampang Airport can best bedescribed as a small building in the middle of a field, with one runway, which accommodates the 1 daily flight in and out of the city.
I am met at the Lampang Airport by 2 teachers from the LCCT, and quickly escorted to my new home at PS Apartments, Suite 208 (I use the term apartment & suite very loosely). My new digs can best be described as a large hotel room, with a bathroom and large refrigerator. I have a corner unit, which allows for a larger patio and more light. The bathroom is no different than those I encountered previously in Thailand. It is here that I set my bags down, and tell myself ...

Welcome Home, Joshua! Welcome Home!

One Night In Bangkok

One Night In Bangkok

I’ve officially begun my trip to Lampang,Thailand. I started at O’HareInternational Airport in Chicago, Illinois, USA, at 11:00AM (CST), onWednesday, June 18, 2008. It isnow Thursday, June 19th, approximately 18:00PM in Seoul, Korea. The flight over was surprisinglyrelaxed -- thank goodness for prescription mood-enhancers. I am completely exhausted andadditional traveling is the last thing I want to do at this point. And against my better judgment, andfear of passing out from complete delirium, I have decided to bust out my Macand document my trip thus far.
At this point, thestrangest thing I’ve encountered has been my height as well as the fact thatyou can spot a “Westerner” from a mile away. The natives assume that I do not speak the language of theland, and instantaneously begin to speak to me in English. I am too exhausted at this point to tryand reflect upon my experience, except to say that no one should ever have tobe on an airplane for 13 consecutive hours.