Life coaches, personal trainers, and behavior therapists alike, will tell you that it takes 28 days to form a new habit. Whether that is quitting smoking, establishing a workout routine, eating healthier, or any other change you wish to see in your life – 28 days creates a new habit for the average human being. What habits have I picked up in my 28 days of living in Lampang, Thailand? I wish I knew. I know it’s not waking up at any specific time – my body is still on who knows what time zone, along with any bodily functions that go along with that “body clock”. I know it’s not working out – after trying to get in the habit of running every morning, I quickly discovered that I would sooner die of dehydration, before getting that perfectly sculpted runners’ body. I have managed to remain substance free since I’ve been here – minus the occasional cigarette and Coca-Cola when I’m out with others. My inner hypocrite doesn’t count the glasses of red wine over international waters during my 23 hours in transit – that’s fair game in his minds eye.
Here are a few things I do find myself doing every day. I go to the Asawin Market every day after work. Whether I’m buying food for that evening’s dinner, or picking up some fresh fruit to keep in the house, I am there on a daily basis. I go to school on a daily basis, Monday through Friday, to teach, as well as be taught about the Thai language and culture. I go to the coffee shop nearly every evening after work. Some nights it’s for journaling, some nights it’s for dinner, but it’s always something to get me out of the house and into some free air con (air conditioning). I do shower on a daily basis – I know some of you thought that would quickly go out the window once my inner love-child was set free to roam Thailand in a sarong. However, my daily shower tends to come in the evenings, so I can go to bed feeling fresh and clean. Though my daily hygiene has not gone out the window, there are a few things I’ve learned are just a part of life in Thailand.
Here are a few things I’ve learned to live with, or without during my short-time here in Thailand.
Bugs – I’ve learned to live with bugs, and accepted the fact that ants are just a part of your daily living arrangements. I store any and all food products in my refrigerator, including medications, multi-vitamins, and even gum. If it might contain a gram of sugar, I store it in the fridge because otherwise the ants will find it and attack it like a fat kid running off the soccer
field for half-time treats. But, storage of these products does not insure that you are ant free, it simply cuts down on the number of ants that will be part of your living quarters. With that, I’ve also learned to live with spiders in the bathroom, so long as they stay high in the corners and away from me while I shower. I’ve quickly discovered that a spider in the bathroom will take care of other unwanted pests like mosquitoes and moths that might otherwise ruin your bliss. And while we’re in the bathroom, I’ve also learned that keeping a small bucket of water over the shower drain will help deter any unwanted “water bugs” (call it what you will, but it’s a cockroach) from making a home out of your bath sponge. I’ve also learned that house lizards (geckos) are attracted to any UV or neon lights. It’s best to leave these off at night, to avoid any unwanted visitors. Also, I’ve learned that no matter how much bug spray you put on, mosquitoes and other biting bastards will always be able to make a meal out of your feet – no matter what! Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you said a unit with a water bed.
Sweat – I’ve learned to live in a constant state of sweat. Not perspiration, not a healthy glow, not shvitzing, SWEAT! I am not talking about just your armpits. When I lived stateside, I was known for my pit sweat. I avoided grey t-shirts like the plague because any time during the year, it would look like I was storing slices of bologna under my armpits. Something to snack on later, I guess. Sure, everyone sweats in their armpits. Fine, lather on some deodorant and pepper in some antiperspirant. Heck, if it gets real bad find yourself some prescription strength deodorant or get yourself some Botox. Either way, there is an end in sight with the sweating when you are stateside. Here, the armpit sweat is the least of your worries. Why? Because you are now contending with brow sweat, upper-lip sweat, neck sweat, between the pectorals sweat, upper back sweat, lower back sweat, leading to the inevitable ass sweat. I’d go into the details of the ass sweat, but it’s its own beast of burden that makes me sweaty just thinking about. Imagine all of this before 11:00AM on any given day. Surprisingly, the only part of me that doesn’t sweat is my legs, and long pants usually cover those on most days. I consider it a good day when I can remove my underwear at the end of the day, and it’s not like pulling Reynolds Saran Wrap apart. You know what I’m talking about, when you pull the Saran Wrap from the rest of the roll and instantaneously it clings to itself. You’re left sitting there for another 10 minutes trying to pull it apart, before you finally give up and start over. I have simply learned that getting my clothes off at the end of a hot day requires more effort than putting them on that morning.
I’d like a pound of the roast beef, and a half-pound of the bologna – sliced thinly please!
Hand Soap – I’ve learned to live without hand soap in public toilets. I’ve learned to simply do my business (most often just a number 1, as there are very few bathrooms suited for much more), rinse my hands with cold water, and dry them on my pants. At first I was an avid user of anti-bacterial gel, but after a month I’ve discovered there’s no use in trying. I kid you not when I tell you that I have come across hand soap and towels in 3 bathrooms since I’ve been here. With the lack of hand soap, I have also learned to stop wondering about my food preparation. If there’s no soap for me, and I’m using the same bathroom as my cook – well, it doesn’t take a degree from MIT to figure that one out. I assume the heat and flames from the food preparation will kill off any of the really bad germs. Everything else is just building my immune system that much stronger!
I’ll have the tomyam-gai, and extra typhoid if you’ve got it!
Toilet Paper – I’ve learned to also live without toilet paper in the public toilets. Not that this is necessary, based on the premise mentioned in the previous paragraph. Oh, and I’ve also learned to call them toilets. Not restroom, powder room, the lou, the john, the little boys room, or any other affectionate term that has been conjured up by cultures to glorify a room used for defecation. Trust me, most of the “powder rooms” I’ve been to in Thailand would not conjure up any images of glamour or beauty. Also, if you refer to it as anything other than toilet or “hong-nam” the natives will have no idea what you are looking for.
Excuse me, can you tell me where the toilet is before I hong-nam on the floor?
Cleanliness – I’ve learned to live in a constant state of grime. Most of my friends would classify me as a bit of a “dirty gay”. That is, a gay man who doesn’t uphold the “cleanliness is next to Godliness” portion of the gay handbook he was issued when he first came out. For instance, I’ve been known to not shower for days on end, wear the same jeans several weeks (sometimes months) without washing, allow my apartment to become untidy with dirty dishes and a ring around the bathtub. These types of things are frowned upon in some circles. Fret not, it would get cleaned, and it looked and smelled presentable enough for a queen. Here, clean clothes, clean bathroom, clean body, clean everything, are all things that I have learned to live without. I shower every evening, but there’s still something that doesn’t feel right. Maybe it’s the lack of water pressure from the showerhead. Maybe it’s the fact that I could sit on my toilet and shower at the same time. Maybe it’s the water that has a hint of brown to it. Maybe it’s the towel that was washed last week, but still doesn’t smell quite right. Maybe it’s my disgusting feet that no amounts of scrubbing are getting clean; pumice stones or household cleaners alike. This constant state of grime is something I’ve learned to accept as part of my experience here. When I do come back stateside, first orders of business – sit in the back of a pick-up truck and go through the car wash … maybe a few times.
Is that shirt white or yellow?
Fruit – I’ve learned to live with fresh fruit on a daily basis. Oh, let me tell you the deliciousness of the fresh fruit. This is something I could get used to on a daily basis for the rest of my life. My daily walk through the Asawin Market almost always requires me to stop and buy fruit. At first I was a bit hesitant with eating the fruit. I figured most fruit was made of water; the water might not be safe; I could get sick. I threw caution to the wind one day and ventured out on a limb and got fresh-cut pineapple. I was HOOKED! I’m not talking about the stuff
Dole puts in a can, throws on a shelf, and you buy for your cottage cheese. No, no! This pineapple was freshly picked that morning, brought into the market, hand cut by a woman with a butcher knife, and packaged into a nicely sized bag for individual eating with a wooden pick, all for the bargain price of 10 Baht ($0.29). And that’s the same for every fruit. It’s all carted to the market fresh from the fields, ready to be sold that same day. Sure there is the usual stuff, pineapple, watermelon, apples, bananas, but they also have a wide array of new and fun fruits. I wish I knew the names of all the different fruits I’ve tried, but I only know that I point and they bag it up for me. My ultimate favorite fruit – dragon fruit. It is magenta in color (go figure), and has seeds like a kiwi. It actually tastes a bit like a kiwi – same texture, consistency, but not as sweet. It comes from a cactus, and it is the most delicious thing you can possibly buy – in my opinion. Anyone that comes to visit me will be eating these with me. I buy them whenever possible, but I always have to have them cut it for me because the skin is tough to maneuver … and I don’t own a knife. I think the Thai name for it is “Gae Mu Gone”. I always point and make a chopping signal with my hands. Seems to work every time. A fruit with his fruits – how fitting! Can I please have some of your Gae Mu Gone?
This is the condensed list of things I’ve learned to live with or without. I am living a life that is drastically different from the one I’ve been accustomed to. I’ve learned that right when I think I have a handle on something, I am thrown a new cultural curve ball. In the end, it’s been a great 28 days, and I am looking forward to what the next 8 months will have in store.
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