Tea for Two

It finally happened! After living in Thailand for nearly six months; after eating questionable food from quasi-clean surfaces; after teaching Thai students in a germ-infested school -- I finally got sick. During the day on Monday, I started to feel a bit congested in the head. When I finally finished teaching for the day and returned home, watery eyes, runny nose, and total head congestion had set in. I was a mess! I had a low-key dinner that night at Grandma's, and got to bed early that evening. When I woke for school on Tuesday morning I had a decision to make -- you see, Wednesday was Thai Constitution Day and thus a day off from school. I could push myself to go into work on Tuesday and risk getting others sick and also weaken my own defenses. Or, I could stay home on Tuesday, rest up, and enjoy my holiday on Wednesday. Of course, I chose the latter of the two options. I sent a text message to the director of my department (sidenote - even text messaging is used in a developing country like Thailand), informing them that I would not be coming into work that day. Shortly thereafter, I pulled the curtains in my one-room apartment and crawled back into bed for 5 more hours of blissful sleep.

Waking up at 11:30AM, I decided I should find some food and maybe see about getting some tea. When I thought of tea, I immediately thought of the Thai Herbal Conservation Center, and tried to remember how to get there. I've been there once, during my first month here in Lampang. For those of you that have ever tried to operate a Honda Dream when you are congested with a runny nose -- not he wisest decision. Nothing is more fun than driving down the highway when your snot escapes from your nose and quickly streaks itself across your cheek, on its way up to your hair line. Needless to say, when I finally arrived at the Thai Herbal Center, I looked like some DCSF child, in desperate need of a wet nap.

I enter the Thai Herbal shop, which is a rather daunting experience in itself. It's like entering the cosmetics department of Saks 5th Avenue, but instead of cosmetics, it's a wide assortment of herbal care products. I am presumablly greeted by the Thai shop keeper, who asks me a wide-array of questions -- something along the lines of; are you aware your face is covered in snot? do you want me to hose you down? when was the last time you took your vitamin C supliments? I try to explain my ailments to the woman, in the hopes of being prescriped an herbal tea that will cure me in a day. Before I know it, I am satcheled with 3 different teas, and I am signing myself up for an herbal bath.

In my 6 months here in Thailand, I have had one full-on bath, and that was after I checked-in at the Holiday Inn Bangkok and saw the most amazing tub that was calling my name after 12 hours in a Thai train. Needless to say, I was about due for another one. After purchasing 300 Baht worth of herbal teas, I head to another building where I am quickly ushered into another room. This room can best be described as a room with a tub and a bench -- though this bench is too small for the "super-sized" variety of most western asses; it looked more like a step stool. The room is not very large, so as the woman is filling my bathtub, I quickly excuse myself to use the toilet. Something about the sound of warm running water, or a full submersion into a heated tub makes even my empty bladder need to relieve itself. In any case, I return to find the woman has stepped aside and is allowing me into the "bathtub" room. She begins to explain things to me in Thai and all I can do is nod without taking my eyes off the tub.

After the woman leaves, I quickly assess the situation. I'm not sure if you've ever had a herbal bath before, but let me explain what it's like here in Thailand. For starters, the tub is filled with a dark brown, almost black liquid. I'd say at first glance this looks like a large cappucino, but in reality, it looks like a giant bath of the worst cases of amebic dysentery you have ever seen. The tub is foamy and frothy at the top, and in places where the foam has subsided, the liquid is impenitrable to he UV lighting in the room. I hestitantly get undressed, all the while telling myself that this will be good for me, and that "bath time is fun!"

Completely naked, I hesitantly put one foot in the tub. The liquidy substance is intensely warm -- so much, you can still see the steam rising from the top. Slowly, I lower my body into the tub of brown liquid. My extremities are no longer visible once they are 1 inch below the surface. Before I can fully relax, I have to take a quick survey of my surroundings. I begin checking the tub for snakes that might have crawled up through any piping. Next, it's checking for the location of all the spiders in the room. And finally it's looking for the herbal tea I'm supposed to be drinking while I sit in this tub of mysterious substances.

Comforted in my surroundings, I finally begin to relax. For those of you who haven't done a detox herbal bath before, the process goes something like this: soak for 5-10 minutes, get out and drink your tea for 5-10 minutes, and repeat 3-4 times. So, I follow instructions and complete my herbal bath, each time re-filling the tub with "fresh" herbal water.

After my time is done, I can honestly say I fell 110% better. My head is no longer congested, my body feels lite and completely relaxed. After I practically float home, I decide to take a nice long nap. Awoken by my own volition and feeling wonderful, I decided to continue my day of relaxation with a quick trip to my local market for dinner, and staying home to read my book.

After finishing my market dinner, I lay down for an early evening, at which point I become violently ill. Suffice it to say that I contracted food posioning and was producing my own "herbal bath" for about 36 hours thereafter -- every hour, on the hour. In the end, I came away with an herbal bath, a hydrocolonic, the loss of ten pounds, and 3 days home from work. Thankfully I had my tea to see me through it all.