Return from OZ

As I begin to prepare for my return to the states, I can't help but think about our good friend "Dorothy Gale." I say good friend because everyone should be friends with either Judy, Barbra, or Liza (for those new to the scene, that's Garland, Streisand, and Minnelli). These three icons will get you through all of life's tough times! At this juncture in my life, I am identifying most readily with Judy circa Wizard of Oz. Instead of a tornado, I had monsoons. Instead of ruby slippers, I had Reef Sandals. Instead of a dog named Toto, I had geckos named Som Nam Na and Hoy. Instead of Elmira Gulch, I had LCCT. Instead of a Yellow Brick Road, I had roads paved in red dirt. Instead of the Emerald City, I had the Emerald Buddha. Instead of being welcomed by munchkins, I was welcomed by Asians. But, through it all, one thing remains true -- I was on a journey, just like my friend Dorothy. Her tag line was, "There's no place like home!" And with three quick clicks of her slippers, she was home -- back with Auntie Em and Uncle Henry in good old Kansas. Who knew amber waves of grain could be so welcoming.

As I begin my journey home, I am starting to think about my amber waves of grain. That is, what it is that I've missed so much from my previous life in Chicago. Obviously, my friends and family rank number one on that list, but here are some additional things -- though not exhaustive -- of what I am most looking forward to when I return home from Thailand.

1. Western Bed -- I am excited to sleep in a bed that is soft. Every bed I've slept on in Thailand has been akin to sleeping on a piece of plywood covered in flannel. I can't wait to be able to literally dive into bed, and not have to worry about the risk of breaking bones or causing severe trauma to my head. With that, I'm looking forward to sheets with a thread-count of more than 20.
   
2. English -- I am excited to walk down the street and know what is being said. I am excited to sit at a restaurant and eavesdrop on the conversations around me, or play my favorite game -- "Who's on a date?"
3. Stimulants -- In addition to being surrounded by mother-tongue, I am also excited to be surrounded by other stimulants. That is: the hussle and bussle of a busy street; angry Americans in a constant state of frowning and displeasure; incessant mobile phone chatter about mundane and irrelevant topics; black-eyes from Starbucks; wearing my iPod because I don't know how to function without my music.
   
4. Complex Carbohydrates -- After living on simple starches (i.e. white rice) for nearly 9 months, I am excited to welcome refined sugars, bleached flours, additives, and chemically processed foods back into my diet. I'm also excited about the 40 kilos I'll also add to my mid-section, and the sloth-like behaviour that will over-take my body as it tries to process these new and slightly unnatural elements back into its system. Bring on the aspartame!
   
5. Western Bathrooms -- I am excited to take a shower in a tub or shower stall, complete with glass walls, or a shower curtain. I look forward to not being able to sit on the toilet and shower at the same time. For me, it's very similar to having a latrine next to the refrigerator (sidenote -- I will miss the "bum gun"). Additionally, I look forward to having hot & cold as options in a shower -- no longer will my options be nipple-piercing-cold, cock-shrivling-cold, teeth-chattering-cold, or third-degree-burns-hot. I look forward to having an in-between. I also look forward to hand soap and paper towels. You don't realize how valuable these things are until you've spent the day at a petting zoo, and are about to eat sticky rice at a restaurant. There's certain things that even Purrell won't kill! While I'm on the topic of disgusting things on your hands, I should also mention how thrilled I'm going to be about not having to carry around toilet paper -- though I might continue the habit ... just in case of a "Planter's Peanuts" emergency. You'd be surprised how far you can stretch one square of toilet paper -- especially in a pinch (though not a loaf).
   

For me, these are the few things that I think of as I click my Reef Sandals and think, "There's no place like home!" My flight, hopefully not in the same fashion as Dorothy's house, will be landing on Friday, April 17, 2009. Until then, I continue to follow the yellow brick road, in search of the Wizard of Oz.